Now when i sit back and recall

Where did all my time go?
I used to be smart, always cared about the future though.
thought it'd be hard so i decided to stay low.
but now when i sit back and recall...
the children i thought would never grow
the friends that i made and that imaginary foe
where is my memory? where did my time go?

now when i sit back and reminisce
moving in my rocking chair, hardly making a hiss
thought, thought id stay young forever
fun can wait, studies you better savor
now when i sit back and recall
a dive in my past seems more like a fall
i lived like a robot, doing what was asked
throughout my life my feelings, they remained masked
never thought id say this but
where did my time go?
where did all my time go?

a fall in the fairy land.

Life, What is it? Waking up in the morning, working hard throughout the day just to make sure we get a good peaceful sleep during the night. Isnt this the circle  of life? isnt this how your days pass by. No really, think about it. When you're working your ass off during the day, doesnt the thought of a peaceful sleep seem like a reward you? well i would be damned to hear otherwise.

Peaceful Sleep? huh only if i were lucky enough to get that. now dont get me wrong here. Sleep, i get a lot of it. and one would consider that peaceful, considering nobody ever woke me up from that important regime. but obviously the defination of peacefulness would vary. now to me.

its 6 in the morning now and i sure as hell dont want to sleep. My body is tired and my hands can barely write this, but the grey matter, the great spiral pulse, the all knowing yet all empty or in the laymans term ,the brain deosnt want me to stop. "Continue", it says! "you have to write this down. thats the only way out." Huh. way out? wow! i am in a constant race with my own inner self. i try catching it but guess it doesnnt want to be caught. Maybe i am not ready for it. to catch it, to know what my inner most self feels like. what i actually want to do, what i actually want to say, what i actually want to eat, what i actually want to feel. How i actually want to live. Huh. how wonderful does that dream sound like. huh, knowing the reason for everything that you do and having no regrets at the end.

What to write, have got no words.

Am i wrong? for trying to think that we will have a better future ? for thinking that we will rise from this hell fire? for thinking that there's still goodness in my country? for thinking that i can have my right to speak ? for thinking that one day, we will have justice? for thinking that i am right, and whatever i see in my country, is nothing but a mere illusion of hatred and sorrow? for thinking that my country is no different than other well established and renowned countries of the world?
If i am wrong, which people tend to believe i am, then i dont want to know the truth! i dont want to read the facts, i want to live in this dream because this dream helps me breathe , because I cant live knowing that my country is dying and i am on the other end of the world peacefully typing a blog and theres nothing i can do about it.